Dear readers, this is another edition of the Final Girl film club. This month we get to dig into some italian and you know that can be both very filling and very spicy. We are doing "La Chiesa," otherwise known as...
|Everyone needs a good dose of church!|
When I was a lad, I was far away from theaters and video stores that would have a film like "The Church," in it. But I did have loads of film magazines like "Fangoria." I remember clearly some still shots from the film that looked wonderful. So I always had an interest in the film. Finally, I did manage to see it last of a five film marathon, and while I liked it I was also somewhat disappointed. So, it's interesting to me now to reappraise this film.
Italian movies. The twigs above are forming sort of a natural spire. It's almost a shadow of the Church that is to come. At least that's how I see it.
This film by the way is done by Dario Argento who is famed for his "Demons" films. This was actually first pitched as "Demons 3," but eventually the story went in a different direction. It also has Goblin doing the music as well. With all this going in, one might think it would look more like "Demons" style fun and games, but really it has its own funky visual style.
|We are the Knights who say Walla Walla Washington|
|Seriously he was in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, right?|
On the other side of the cave there are a bunch of harmless looking women and children. One rather pretty girl is soaking her foot. The knights come and are joined by are rather shifty looking priest. The Girl offers one knight water, but the priest warns that she is possessed and to take nothing from her.
|I think Ash said it best when he said, "Lissen up you primative screw heads...."|
|He has her in his cross hairs|
|Bring out your dead! (I know another monty python reference but really, it fits)|
Scratch out one village. Heads roll, people roll. Babies are squished by horses. Welcome to Law and Order, Medieval Style. Soon they are stacking up the death wagon up to the brim and then they take them to a pit for disposal. I mean, they are even dumping dead ducks and dogs and such into the mix. This village is now seriously dead.
|Wearing a dartboard over your face is no way to go through life son....|
|Run in the forest run!|
|Cross marks the spot|
|This is the church, you don't want to know what's in the steeple|
When the demons get out they are going to open up the people
|As disturbing as the painting is, what's worse is it is a portrait....|
So as he strides through the church we see various priests and parishioners doing their morning thing. He passes by a truly evil looking painting going through restoration and stops. It's worth stopping for, it's truly hideous. Again, this is certainly not the church of the warm fuzzies. Suddenly from up top comes an avalanche of art supplies making our creepy hero drop his type writer (dang doesn't that just take you back?).
|sorry about your brush with danger!|
By the way, special bonus points if you notice the creepy old woman. Don't worry, it might mean something later.
|Not saying he's old, but he still remembers when Mass was in grunts|
|No Sir, I don't like it....|
|At last my very own necronomicon.....|
|Don't worry this means nothing, move along|
|so you like sodoku?|
|It says, "Should have turned right at Alburque..."|
|I am better than you|
|No you aren't|
|gotta kiss a lot of frogs|
|Billy Joel said "you catholic girls start too late," but in Lotte's case I think she's early|
|Camp Crystal Lake?|
|The only real response when your lover blows you off to solve the mystery of the ages.|
|seems like everyone is looking over ancient parchments. Tip, though: you probably|
shouldn't have a lit cigarette in one hand
|Nothing like a close family (and this is nothing like one)|
|Who is the mysterious person that always haunts the pews?|
|When a phantom horse chases you out of church you should get your resume ready|
|I wouldn't think you could see well enough to be able shoot at any distance|
That night Evan prowls around looking for a seven eyed stone. First he finds a fresco of St. George battling the dragon and takes that for directions. It's not long before he finds a certain huge crucifix in the floor. He also discovers that the lump in the center is when clean a depiction of a seven eyed goat. After a brief consultation of "rightie tighty/lefty loosey" he figures out how to open it. Now the fun begins!
|Get a hold of yourself!|
Evan wakes up on the crucifix. It did not fall into the hole. Evan's hand is hurt because when he reached into the hole he got scratched by a claw embedded into the side of hole. In either case, Evan is now definitely being possessed. As he leaves the catacombs he has to knock out the Sacristan, and passes the possession onto him.
|A bad case of cat scratch fever|
|Meanwhile Lisa is having dreams of watches and water.....|
|Look, both lips, and our mysterious cloaked figure....|
|Evan is all broken hearted now....|
|All I need is some fava beans and a nice chianti|
|VICTIMS: Cute school children and teacher...|
|VICTIMS: old people|
|VICTIMS: Motorcycle couple|
|It's Emo Evan|
|ok super creepy, all he needs is some candy|
|Lotte escaped but right into her father her started washing her mouth with pea soup flavored soap|
This isn't her day to be sure
|Ok, suicide by jack hammer is pretty original|
|Looks like they stocked the baptismal fonts again....|
|This might not be a bad way to go, if only the demon looked a little more enthused...|
|Her look of suprise is earned since she's killed by the guy who already killed himself with a jack hammer|
|The Bishop lives long enough to pass on a cryptic hint |
to Father Gus (the black one)
Before being impaled
|I don't know how she took off her husband's head|
but the situation certainly rings a bell
|Fashion model's nightmare|
Father Gus's promotion to hero is good since Evan and Lisa really play out their tale with a whimper and a bang. They end up being center stage in a black mass. It's not even tragic, there's no feeling to their fate at all. Really after following the characters throughout the tale it is a real let down.
So with that said, Father Gus saves the day. He sends Lotte back out into the world and opens the architect's crypt. Finding the secret just in time as the evil in the church rises in a multi bodied writhing mass. But like all movies of this type, perhaps it is not the end. What does the look on Lotte's face in the end really mean?
|The Police Video was better...|
|Bust a deal/and face the wheel|
|This is just sad and wrong...|
|The final secret.... pay attention Dan Brown|